I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
