dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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