he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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