I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
