I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
