Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
