i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
