pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
