1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
