I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
