im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
