Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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