Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need to calm my uterus...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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