Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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