if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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