bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you never un-have a 4some
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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