I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
