i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
