smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
