Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
