Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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