tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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