it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
