i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
