His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
