you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
