You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize