that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
