after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
