I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
