he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
