Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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