3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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