I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
