So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
