You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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