I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
