sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
