so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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