your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
