im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
