therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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