he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
