Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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