WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
