I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
