Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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