why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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