I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
