im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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