My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
