Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
