I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
