i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
