Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
