I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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