my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize