I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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