I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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