I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
