3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
