Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
