i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is Oprah even human
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