I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize