Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
