If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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