It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
