i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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