I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
