So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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