it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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