Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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