I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
cat food counts as protein by the way
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
